weddingsv make me drug and hornr
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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