They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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