I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
