and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
