Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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