I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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