im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
