Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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