my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
it's great music for shaving your balls
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
