I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
