We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Who died my cat blue again?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
