I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
