my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
