Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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