take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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