I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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