and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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