it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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