The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
