try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
