Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
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it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
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Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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