mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
