Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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