You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
