Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just want nice things and good sex
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
