Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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