worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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