I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
