Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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