I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Randomize
