When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
