you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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