Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
