Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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