remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
