I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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