I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
