Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
