I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
