I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
