Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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