i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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