you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
