Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
