he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
