Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
