forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
