i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
