she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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