I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
