Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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