tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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