Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
