Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
