it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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