i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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