WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
