there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
