Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
