he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
