I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
