i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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