do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I AM VODKA MAN
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
