She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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