the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
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