someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
