Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
