There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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