i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
