My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
