Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
