I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
