i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I have already put on my inside pants.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
