The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
