mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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