it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
