so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
