I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
